I want to tell you how I feel.
But… I am worried,
that everything I say could
A relationship of lovers.
You must know, by now,
that I love you.
More than a friend,
more than a family member,
more than I should…perhaps.
I want to explain to you
how neglected I feel.
to carefully, cautiously explain
that I haven’t heard from you
that I want to hear from you
only as much as you want to talk to me.
only… it doesn’t feel like you want to.
something I told you not to worry about
…I am worried about.
like I’ve been abandoned,
a dockless boat.
this is dependency, isn’t it?
This is unhealthy,
Is this what you’re teaching me?
Are you teaching me
I have begun to look into
coping with abandonment, and lonliness.
I have begun to try and establish
myeself with a community…even though
everyone is always busier.
so terribly lonely.
I went to the jazz club today, and
though I sat and spoke
with strangers who became friends
without even exchanging names,
I felt as though I burdened even them.
didn’t invite much of a response, or
inspire the conversation to continue.
I made pictures of the performers,
myself inside myself.
Surely, I seemed out
of place amongst the audience, who
were dancing about in their reverie.
You once said that you could be heartless.
to believe it then.
I still don’t
can a person who posesses my heart,
I want to tell you
how I feel.
This sadness tells me
I am wanting.
Wanting words from you
wanting you to want to talk to me
wanting you to be near again
wanting you to want to be near me again
wanting you to know how I feel
Wanting you to want to know how I feel
as you have been in the past
to be gentle with my heart.