Why Have I not Written? – Dec, 8 – 2019

Just as you laid down to sleep
after warming up some water
you reminded me to write
and I agreed
it would be good of me
to write
and so much has happened
not only today
meeting friends
enjoying food
laughter
smiles
stories
those things that make life
wonderful
not only today, but
so much has happened
since the last time I wrote
I mean really wrote
with purpose
pressed the keys
click clack click clack
scratched the surface
Scritch scratch
repeatedly forming sentences from sounds
not just as an exercise-
(we all need exercise)

Why have I not written?
Have I not experienced moments that moved me
so much so that I have felt
a desire to record the experience?
Have I not found myself
at a loss for words
speechlessness
brought on by joy
by sadness
fear
intimacy
so why then
why was it
that I did not press the keys
click clack click clack
did not blacken pages
Scritch Scratch
did not leave my carbon footprint upon those smooth surfaces
did not leave record
of what had happened
and why, and how, and
where
did it all go
if not upon the page

Where?
It happened here
occured and passed
within my heart
in front of my eyes
outside of my ears
and slipping through time
into the past it became
a memory
a cherished piece of action
a dance of energy come and gone
a beautiful choreography between two consciousnesses

I think back upon those moments
I revisit those memories
not by gazing upon the scratched surface of scarred pages
I ask my heart
and wait in silence
listening for the stories it tells me
about what I felt when I lived
in hopes
that I might see, hear, touch, and
smell
these moments now gone
but not gone away
not stored on some device
or shuttered behind hard coveres
pressing pages closed and
locked up
able to be forgotten
until light shines upon them once again

no
for in the heart there is a light
which shines on all things
all ways
always
and in there is where your image rests
reclining with your eyes closed
smiling as you bask
in the warm glow

Why have I not written
if all of this has
moved me
moved me more I feel
than the earth
rotating beneath my feet
hurling through space giving birth
to time as we understand it

The answer is precisely that
It is time
these moments can pass by
so quickly
and I would rather come to know them
as I have come to know you
as I have lived with you
directly, in the moment and not
through recollections
collections of shapes, words, and sounds
stored up and
shut away from
that light
which shines on all things
all ways
always

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